(The Ninja dash around in the Monastery, packing up for their quest.)
Cole: Has anyone seen my sunscreen?
Lloyd: Where’s my sword?
Nya: Are you bringing sneakers or boots?
Zane: (Runs past her.) Sneakers.
Kai: (Passes her other side.) Boots. (Nya sighs.) (Kai and Lloyd almost crash into each other and spin around.) Whoa!
Lloyd: Ahh! (Sees Kai holding his Starfarer comic.) Uh, hey, is that my Starfarer comic?
Kai: You lent it to me, remember?
Lloyd: Like a year ago.
Kai: Ugh, take it. (Lloyd smiles and takes the comic.)
Zane: (Sees Cole with his guzzler hat.) You're not bringing that, are you?
Cole: My soda guzzler? You bet!
Zane: I thought we were supposed to pack essential items.
Cole: This is essential! How am I supposed to quest and stay hydrated at the same time, Zane? (Slurps from his hat.)
Jay: (Takes the pillow from the Chicken.) Anyone have room for my travel pillow?
Ninja: No! (The Chicken sticks its head through the pillow, but Jay keeps it out.)
Lloyd: (Throws the luggage into the pile. Sighs.) That's the last of it!
Wu: (Comes up to them, with P.I.X.A.L. behind.) What is the meaning of this?
Lloyd: We're off on our quest, remember? To hoard our ninja skills.
Wu: How long are you going for?
Jay: I dunno. Day or two?
Cole: Just like you always say: Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.
Wu: I never said that.
Jay: (Sticks his head in Wu's face.) Ha! And you say we never listen!
Wu: I never said that either.
P.I.X.A.L.: Master Wu, perhaps this is an opportunity to field test the new joint tactical vehicles.
Kai: Oh! What new joint tac-wha?
(P.I.X.A.L. opens the shoji doors to the living room. The ninja watch as she produces three shurikens and at a target. The target lifts up, revealing a button. P.I.X.A.L. presses it and the T.V. moves down to reveal a hidden door.)
(P.I.X.A.L. scans her hand to start the elevator.)
Lloyd: Did anyone know this was here?
Kai: Ugh. Nobody tells me anything.
P.I.X.A.L.: We've been working on it for the past six months.
Jay: I didn't even notice any construction!
P.I.X.A.L.: (Stares at Jay disapprovingly.) You were playing video games.
Jay: Eh? (Memory is shown with P.I.X.A.L. and Wu working while Jay is playing video games.) Huh.
Jay: Wow! You should see that!
Kai, Cole: Hohohoho!
Jay: (Grabs Lloyd and shakes him.) We have a secret base!
Cole: No way!
Zane: I can't believe it!
Kai: (Laughs.) Hahahaha!
Nya: (Points to the Land Bounty.) What's that?
P.I.X.A.L.: It is a heavily armored, six wheeled command vehicle. I call it the Land Bounty.)
Cole: Dibs on the cycle!
Kai: I got the red one!
P.I.X.A.L.: Each vehicle is equipped with an operations manual. Please be sure to thoroughly read— (The ninja zoom out on their vehicles.)
Jay: Epic quest, here we come!
P.I.X.A.L.: (Wu shakes his head disapprovingly.) Did they even bring the luggage?
Cole: Woohoohoo! This is awesome!
Kai: (Drives his buggy over a rock and does a flip.) Last one down the mountain is a rotten egg! Hahaha!
(They compete each other and soon arrive at a desert.)
Jay: (Stretches.) Ah, yes. I miss this life. The open road, life on the go, adventure around every turn.
Nya: Whatcha reading, Zane?
Zane: A travel book about the region we're entering. It is called the Desert of Doom. My data files are incomplete on this subject.
Lloyd: Really? Why do they call it that?
Zane: According to ancient legend, local tribes once worshiped a thousand year old beetle, named Beohernie. (Cole slurps from his hat.) One day, for no apparent reason, Beohernie became displeased with their prayers, and destroyed their village.
Nya: I have so many questions about that. I don't know where to start.
Jay: Well, it's clearly a typo. Beohernie isn't even a name. They obviously named it Bernie. (Zane and Lloyd look at each other significantly.)
Cole: Hey, guys? Anyone else starting to get hungry? 'Cause I see a cool, little oasis coming up. (Zooms off to the oasis.)
Lloyd: Good idea. Let's break, everyone.
Jay: (Pops food in his mouth.) Oh, yeah. (Lies down.) That hit the spot. (The basket and cooler sink, slightly.)
Zane: (Examines the items, then goes back to reading.) Hmm. Listen to this. Another interesting antidote. Travelers entering the Desert of Doom should be wary of encountering mirages.
Jay: Uh, mirages?
Zane: An optical illusion. Often seen at sea or in the desert.
Kai: Cool! I want to see a mirage.
Cole: Uh, is there another PB & J?
Nya: Check the cooler! (Drinks a soda.)
Cole: (Walks over to the cooler, only to see the basket and cooler disappear under the sand.) Whoa! Did you guys see that?
Kai: I saw it. Unless it was a mirage?
Zane: Mirages do not eat coolers. (Beohernie rises out of the sand.) Oh, no!
Cole: What? What is it?
Jay: It's Bernie!
Lloyd: Run! (The ninja throws their hoods on.)
Jay: Aww, why did we park so far away?
(Lloyd, Jay Nya and Zane get into the Land Bounty. Zane jumps on the driver chair.)
Kai: (Jumps into his buggy.) Huh-unh. (Drives back.)
(Beo Herny dives a bit in the sand and starts coming towards the Ninja.)
Cole: (Looks back at Beohernie, stumbles over a rock and falls.) Woah!
Cole: Oh-oh. My guzzler!
Lloyd: Forget it! Run!
(Cole gets up and starts running.)
Cole: Woah! (The soda guzzler disappears into Beohernie's mouth.)
Lloyd: Don't look back, Cole! Trust me! Just run! (Cole jumps on his motorcycle.)
Jay: Eh, where is it? Where did it go? (Kai stops the buggy and looks out. Beohernie appears behind the Land Bounty.)
Lloyd: It's... under us. Get us out of here, Zane!
Zane: Hold on, everyone! (Starts up the engine.)
Lloyd: Give it more gas!
Zane: The engine is at maximum acceleration. (Beohernie starts dragging the Land Bounty backwards.)
Lloyd: (Wails.) Hooolddd onnn.
Jay: To whaaat?
Nya: Eh. Uh, Cole. Kai! We need help!
Kai: On my way! (Drives his buggy up a rock and pushes a lever for the shuriken slicer to cut a rock, landing on the other side of the beetle. Beohernie topples over. Pants. Beohernie leaps into the air back onto its feet.) Haha... Oh, I think he's angryyy... (Beohernie gets ready to charge at Kai.)
Lloyd: It's going to charge. Get out of there! (Kai pulls the lever to move backwards, with Beohernie pursuing him.) Hang on, Kai!
Kai: Man, this thing is fast!
Cole: I'll try to distract it. (Drives up to the beetle's side and bounces on top of it.) Woohoohoohoo! Haha! Haha! (Beohernie tosses him off.) Woah! Whaa-oh.
Nya: What kind of weapons do we have? Didn't anyone read the manual?!
Jay: Uhh, I was gonna read it.
Nya: Ugh, never mind. (Opens the door and jumps on to the seat for the cannon. She hits the button to release the spring, latching on to Beohernie.) Ha-yah! Pull the brakes! (Beohernie is slightly pulled back.)
Jay: Ha! You got him!
Lloyd: Nice dot! (Beohernie starts to drag the Land Bounty.)
Jay, Zane, Lloyd, Nya: (Jay slides around.) Whoa!
Zane: I think he's... got... us.
Lloyd: (Engine starts beeping.) The engine's overheating!
Nya: We have a problem!
Lloyd: We have to slow down!
Zane: I'm... trying. (Pulls the brakes harder. Beohernie continues to drag them as the engine continues overheating.)
Lloyd: (Gets out and cuts the rope.) Yah! (Beohernie dives into the sand. Everyone stops looking for Beohernie.)
Kai: What's he doing now?
Jay: What do we do?
Lloyd: We need to get off the sand. (Points.) Zane, what is that?
Zane: (Examines what Lloyd is pointing out.) It is a cluster of rocks.
Lloyd: If we can make it to those rocks, we might have a chance.
Nya: (Nods.) It's worth a shot, if the engine holds out. (Calls on her radio to Cole and Kai.) Guys, there's some rocks due north. Head for those, okay? (Cole signals her, letting her know.) On three. One, two, three! (Beohernie leaps out of the sand and chases them.) Here he comes!
Jay: Oh, he's chasing us!
Lloyd: Punch it Zane!
Cole: Huh. (The rocks disappear.)
Lloyd: What the—
Zane: It's a mirage!
Kai: Now I've seen everything. (Rubs his eyes.) Or nothing.
Nya: (Points.) Over there!
Nya, Lloyd: Arc left! (The rocks disappear.)
Zane: Another mirage?
Nya: Oh, man! (The ninja steer right, Beohernie runs straight through, then backtracks to chase the ninja down. Lloyd points to another set of rocks.)
Jay: Please be real, please be real, please be real! (Beohernie catches up to the Land Bounty and latches on to it. Jay screams and grabs his travel pillow.) Ahh!! (Beohernie rips off apart from the Bounty. Kai and Cole gasp and look back. The Land Bounty wobbles.)
Nya: Hold on! (Zane grunts as he accelerates the rock and lands on a platform. Kai and Cole follow and crash into the Bounty.)
Kai: (Sighs. Tries to start up the engine again, but it fails. Taps the screen closed around him.) Argh!
Lloyd: (Jumps off the Land Bounty and joins the other ninja on the ground.) Everyone okay?
Zane: (Sighs.) Extremely.
Jay: This is the worst quest ever!
Lloyd: (Goes over to check the back of the Land Bounty, and hears a distant roar. He climbs up and sees three beetles circling their rock. The other ninja joins up with Lloyd.) This is not good. This is really, really not good.
(End of the episode. For more information, click here.)