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The Absolute Worst

(Two guards are fighting over a newspaper in Kryptarium Prison.)

Guard #1: Hey! Quit hogging the newspaper, I need my daily funnies.

Guard #2: Your comics can wait. Look! One theory about the disappearance of the ninja is that they've gone on a quest to search for Zane.

Guard #1: Oh, so that's why no one's seen the ninja for— (Noble rushes in and covers his mouth, then swiftly knocks the newspaper out of their hands.)

Noble: Are you crazy?! Don't talk about that on duty! (He grabs the guard and shakes him.) Do you have any idea what would happen if the prisoners learn the ninja are missing?

Guard #2: Uh... no?

Noble: They might start getting ideas! (He looks around and drops his voice.) Ideas about breaking out. Especially them. (Points to where the part where Captain Soto, Killow, Ultra Violet, and others are being held prisoner).

Guards: Sorry, Warden. (The newspaper on the floor gets blown over through the prisoners and smacks right into The Mechanic's face.)

The Mechanic: What the nimbluey! What... (He glances over the newspaper.)The ninja are... (He gasps and runs over to Ultra Violet, who is filing her nails.) Ultra Violet, look!

Ultra Violet: This better be good, you're interrupting my "me" time! (The Mechanic shows her the front cover and she looks at the newspaper.) So it's true!

The Mechanic: If the ninja are out of the picture, we might actually have a chance!

Ultra Violet: (She grabs the paper and crumples it.) Tonight, after lights out. (She tosses it to The Mechanic.)

(Later that night, the prisoners are in their cells.)

Guard #2: Lights out! Cellblock 1! (Guard #1 switches off the lights. As soon as they pass by The Mechanic's cell, he gets up and detaches his robo-arm. It goes and steals the keys from a sleeping guard, for the cells. It unlocks the Mechanic's cell doors, then The Mechanic meets Ultra Violet in her cell.)

Ultra Violet: Come on! (She lifts up a poster of Lou and reveals a hole. They go through the hole and climb out the other end. The poster closes behind them.) Ha! With the ninja out of the picture, we're practically home free!

The Mechanic: Heh! Wonder what happened to 'em.

Ultra Violet: Whatever it is, I hope it's something terrible! (They both laugh.) Especially Zane! He's the worst of the bunch. (She opens a cover and jumps through.)

The Mechanic: Zane? You're kidding? (He jumps into the sewers.) He barely even counts as a ninja. Now Nya, she's the worst!

Man: Zane and Nya are like warm hugs compared to the painful force and skill of Jay. Jay is the worst ever.

The Mechanic: Who the heck are you?

Man: (Scoffs.) Fugi-Dove.

Ultra Violet: Did you say "Fugitive?"

Fugi-Dove: Fugi-Dove. (The Mechanic and Ultra Violet exchange confused looks.) The notorious villain. The scourge of Ninjago City. (They stare at him.) Sorry, was this a private escape or can anyone join?

The Mechanic: You can come, bird guy. But let's get one thing straight: Jay is not the worst ninja.

Ultra Violet: That's definitely Zane! Did I ever tell you what he did during our last battle? The Sons of Garmadon and I were taking on Lloyd and the annoying, but nowhere-near-as-awful-as-Zane, Nya.

Fantasy Lloyd: (They look at her in fear and beg.) Please, Ultra Violet! Don't hurt us!

Ultra Violet: The weak ninja cowered in my presence. Victory was in my grasp. But then... (Fantasy Zane pilots a jet and attacks her with missiles. She dodges and runs up a building to confront him. They start a combat on Zane's jet.)

Fugi-Dove: Uh, whoa, whoa, wait. (The fantasy suddenly freezes and Fugi-Dove suddenly appears in front of it.) That's not what I heard happened. I heard Zane had a Dragon, not a jet. And I heard he froze you instantly, like the minute it showed up. No fight whatsoever.

Ultra Violet: (She comes up to him) Wrong! Whoever told you that is a liar! I had Zane down. (Fugi-Dove moves away, out of shot) But he pulled some dirty robot tricks. (Zane transforms and pins her down. He starts to freeze her with his eyes.)

Fugi-Dove: Wait, wait, wait. Come on. Are you sure that happened?

Ultra Violet: Were you there?! Because I have no memory of you being there!

The Mechanic: I believe you. Go on.

Ultra Violet: (Zane continues to freeze her until she's in a solid block of ice. Then, he kicks the frozen block off the jet.) And that is why Zane is the worst ninja of all!

The Mechanic: Heh. Sounds pretty tough. But trust me, Nya is worse. Like, so much worse. Let me tell you. I was test driving my newly-built ultimate noodle truck of crime. (He fantasizes about stealing from a jewelry store.) When for no reason at all, that nosey do-gooder judgey Nya comes out of nowhere and starts messing with me. (Fantasy Nya arrives with her motorcycle. She sees The Mechanic and drives towards him. The Mechanic releases a bunch of missiles, but Nya dodges them and lands on his truck. The motorcycle explodes in the background. She uses a laser to cut a hole in his windshield.)

Fantasy Mechanic: Hey! That's private property!

Fantasy Nya: (She pulls him out.) You're going away for theft and false advertising.

Fantasy Mechanic: False advertising?

Fantasy Nya: This truck doesn't even sell noodles, does it? Does it?!

Fantasy Mechanic: (He shoots out at Nya with his arm and escapes, taking the jewelry.) You'll never catch me! (Nya jumps down to a fire hydrant, kicks off the lid, and splashes him with Water.)

Fantasy Nya: I like your vehicle. It's actually cooler than mine. I think I'll take it without asking. (Nya takes the noodle truck and drives off.)

Ultra Violet: Nya stole your noodle truck?

The Mechanic: Yeah. Can you believe it?

Ultra Violet: And she said, "I think I'll take it without asking"?

Fugi-Dove: That doesn't really sound like Nya.

The Mechanic: Sorry, who are you again?

Fugi-Dove: Fugi-Dove! My cry fills the night! (Coos twice.) Anyway, we should probably keep moving. (He notices them walking away from him) And while we go, I'll tell you why Jay is actually the worst of all the ninja. (He starts to follow them again.) It was the biggest score of my life. (Fantasy Fugi-Dove breaks through the roof of the bank, and flies up, carrying a sack of money in each talon) One of those heists like hard-working criminals like ourselves dream about, you know. But then. 

Fantasy Lloyd: (Lloyd, Cole, and Kai pass by on their hang gliders.) Oh, no! Look! The famous Fugi-Dove!

Fantasy Cole: Our frequent, and well known, archenemy!

Fantasy Kai: Even with the three of us together, do you think we're a match for him? (Fantasy Fugi-Dove poke holes in their hang gliders with his feathers. They plummet toward the ground.)

Fantasy Lloyd: We should have never dared to take over the claws of Fugi-Dove!

Fugi-Dove: I was home free.

Fantasy Jay: Fugi-Dove, we meet again. (Fantasy Fugi-Dove turns around to see Jay on a pillar of Lightning.)

The Mechanic: Wait, hold on. Stop everything. The Blue Ninja doesn't ride lightning bolts.

Fugi-Dove: Well, he did that day.

Ultra Violet: Actually, I'm enjoying this. What happened next?

Fantasy Fugi-Dove: I will not bow to your tyranny. You don't scare Fugi-Dove.

Fantasy Jay: Haha! I admire your courage, Fugi-Dove. In another time or place, who knows, we might have been allies. But today, you're going down. My respect for you is only matched by my admiration for your skill. But justice must be served. Ninja-ukin! (He blasts him with a beam of lightning.) Forgive me, old nemesis. (He grabs Fugi-Dove, the bag of money, and flies away. Fugi-Dove coos and pretends to get shocked.)

Ultra Violet: Have you ever even seen a ninja!? I mean, lightning rope? Not only is that not how lightning works, it's not even how rope works!

Fugi-Dove: That's how it happened!

Ultra Violet: Whatever. (She gasps.)

The Mechanic: Hey, look. Light!

Ultra Violet: It's about time. I don't think I can take another story.

The Mechanic: We made it!

Fugi-Dove: At last. I am no longer caged! (Coos and spins.)

Ultra Violet: You know what I'm gonna do first? Crimes. Like a bunch of crimes. I have missed crimes. (P.I.X.A.L. arrives in her Samurai Mech and ties them up.)

P.I.X.A.L.: I thought my ground-penetrating radar detected unusual subterranean activity. Now to get you back to Kryptarium Prison where you belong.

The Mechanic: I'm revising my opinion. Samurai X is the worst!

Ultra Violet: Absolutely!

Fugi-Dove: Agreed. (He coos sadly.)

P.I.X.A.L.: Who are you?

Fugi-Dove: Oh, come on. I'm Fugi-Dove.

P.I.X.A.L.: (She checks through her databases for Fugi-Dove.) I have no record of you in my criminal databases.

Fugi-Dove: Nothing? I'm Fugi-Dove! My cry fills the ni— (P.I.X.A.L. picks him up and flies off. Fugi-Dove coos again.)

(End of the episode. For more information, click here.)

Ninjago transcripts
Pilot episodes 1. Way of the Ninja · 2. The Golden Weapon · 3. King of Shadows · 4. Weapons of Destiny
Mini-movies 1. Secrets of the Blacksmith · 2. Flight of the Dragon Ninja · 3. The New Masters of Spinjitzu · 4. An Underworldly Takeover · 5. Return to the Fire Temple · 6. Battle Between Brothers
Season 1: Rise of the Snakes 1. Rise of the Snakes · 2. Home · 3. Snakebit · 4. Never Trust a Snake · 5. Can of Worms · 6. The Snake King · 7. Tick Tock · 8. Once Bitten, Twice Shy · 9. The Royal Blacksmiths · 10. The Green Ninja · 11. All of Nothing · 12. The Rise of the Great Devourer · 13. Day of the Great Devourer
Season 2: Legacy of the Green Ninja 14. Darkness Shall Rise · 15. Pirates vs. Ninja · 16. Double Trouble · 17. Ninjaball Run| · 18. Child's Play · 19. Wrong Place, Wrong Time · 20. The Stone Army · 21. The Day Ninjago Stood Still · 22. The Last Voyage · 23. Island of Darkness · 24. The Last Hope · 25. Return of the Overlord · 26. Rise of the Spinjitzu Master
Season 3: Rebooted 27. The Surge · 28. The Art of the Silent Fist · 29. Blackout · 30. The Curse of the Golden Master · 31. Enter the Digiverse · 32. Codename: Arcturus · 33. The Void · 34. The Titanium Ninja
Season 4: Tournament of Elements 35. The Invitation · 36. Only One Can Remain · 37. Versus · 38. Ninja Roll · 39. Spy for a Spy · 40. Spellbound · 41. The Forgotten Element · 42. The Day of the Dragon · 43. The Greatest Fear of All · 44. The Corridor of Elders
Season 5: Possession 45. Winds of Change · 46. Ghost Story · 47. Stiix and Stones · 48. The Temple on Haunted Hill · 49. Peak-a-Boo · 50. Kingdom Come · 51. The Crooked Path · 52. Grave Danger · 53. Curseworld, Part I · 54. Curseworld, Part II
Chen mini-movies (non-canon) 1. Chen's New Chair · 2. Chair Play Chen · 3. Chair Up Chen · 4. Chairful What You Wish For · 5. Bad Chair Day
LEGO Ninjago: Shadow of Ronin
Season 6: Skybound 55. Infamous · 56. Public Enemy Number One · 57. Enkrypted · 58. Misfortune Rising · 59. On a Wish and a Prayer · 60. My Dinner With Nadakhan · 61. Wishmasters · 62. The Last Resort · 63. Operation Land Ho! · 64. The Way Back
Tall Tales (non-canon) 1. The Tall Tale of Flintlocke · 2. The Tall Tale of Clancee · 3. The Tall Tale of Doubloon · 4. The Tall Tale of Dogshank · 5. The Tall Tale of Monkey Wretch · 6. The Tall Tale of Sqiffy and Bucko
Special Day of the Departed
Operation Heavy Metal 1. Operation Heavy Metal: Machia · 2. Operation Heavy Metal: Buffmillion · 3. Operation Heavy Metal: Blunck · 4. Operation Heavy Metal: Raggmunk
Season 7: The Hands of Time 65. The Hands of Time · 66. The Hatching · 67. A Time of Traitors · 68. Scavengers · 69. A Line in the Sand · 70. The Attack · 71. Secrets Discovered · 72. Pause and Effect · 73. Out of the Fire and Into the Boiling Sea · 74. Lost in Time
Wu's Teas mini-movies (non-canon) Wu's Teas
Meet the Ninja Meet the Ninja
Ninjago: Decoded 1. Legacy · 2. Vehicles and Mechs · 3. Legendary Places · 4. Ninjago's Most Wanted · 5. The Digiverse and Beyond · 6. The Elemental Masters · 7. Beasts and Dragons · 8. Rise of Garmadon · 9. Prophecy of the Green Ninja · 10. Greatest Battles
Season 8: Sons of Garmadon 75. The Mask of Deception · 76. The Jade Princess · 77. The Oni and the Dragon · 78. Snake Jaguar · 79. Dead Man's Squall · 80. The Quiet One · 81. Game of Masks · 82. Dread on Arrival · 83. True Potential · 84. Big Trouble, Little Ninjago
Season 9: Hunted 85. Firstbourne · 86. Iron & Stone · 87. Radio Free Ninjago · 88. How to Build a Dragon · 89. The Gilded Path · 90. Two Lies, One Truth · 91. The Weakest Link · 92. Saving Faith · 93. Lessons for a Master · 94. Green Destiny
Tales from the Monastery of Spinjitzu 1. Master Class · 2. Green and Gold · 3. The Weekend Drill · 4. Elemental Rider · 5. Blue Lighting · 6. Samurai X-Treme
Season 10: March of the Oni 95. The Darkness Comes · 96. Into the Breach · 97. The Fall · 98. Endings
Season 11: Secrets of the Forbidden Spinjitzu 99. Wasted True Potential · 100. Questing for Quests · 101. A Rocky Start · 102. The Belly of the Beast · 103. Boobytraps and How to Survive Them · 104. The News Never Sleeps! · 105. Ninja vs Lava · 106. Snaketastrophy · 107. Powerless · 108. Ancient History · 109. Never Trust a Human · 110. Under Siege · 111. The Explorers Club · 112. Vengeance is Mine! · 113. A Cold Goodbye · 114. The Never-Realm · 115. Fire Maker · 116. An Unlikely Ally · 117. The Absolute Worst · 118. The Message · 119. The Traveler's Tree · 120. Krag's Lament · 121. Secret of the Wolf · 122. The Last of the Formlings · 123. My Enemy, My Friend · 124. The Kaiju Protocol · 125. Corruption · 126. A Fragile Hope · 127. Once and for All · 128. Awakenings
Prime Empire Original Shorts 1. Let's Dance · 2. Upgrade · 3. The Meaning of Victory · 4. The Stowaway · 5. Manhunt · 6. Gayle Gossip: A Closer Look
Season 12: Prime Empire 129. Would You Like to Enter Prime Empire? · 130. Dyer Island · 131. Level Thirteen · 132. Superstar Rockin' Jay · 133. I am Okino · 134. The Glitch · 135. The Cliffs of Hysteria · 136. The Maze of the Red Dragon · 137. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back · 138. Racer Seven · 139. The Speedway Five-Billion · 140. Stop, Drop and Side Scroll · 141. Ninjago Confidential · 142. The Prodigal Father · 143. The Temple of Madness · 144. Game Over
Season 13: Master of the Mountain 145. Shintaro · 146. Into the Dark · 147. The Worst Rescue Ever · 148. The Two Blades · 149. Queen of the Munce · 150. Trial By Mino · 151. The Skull Sorcerer · 152. The Real Fall · 153. Dungeon Party! · 154. Dungeon Crawl! · 155. Grief-Bringer · 156. Masters Never Quit · 157. The Darkest Hour · 158. The Ascent · 159. The Upply Strike Back! · 160. The Son of Lilly
The Island 161. Uncharted · 162. The Keepers of the Amulet · 163. The Gift of Jay · 164. The Tooth of Wojira
Season 14: Seabound 165. A Big Splash · 166. The Call of the Deep · 167. Unsinkable · 168. Five Thousand Fathoms Down · 169. The Wrath of Kalmaar · 170. Long Live the King · 171. Escape from Merlopia· 172. The Tale of Benthomaar · 173. The Storm Amulet · 174. Riddle of the Sphinx · 175.Papergirl · 176. Master of the Sea · 177. The Calm Before the Storm · 178. Assault on Ninjago City · 179. Nyad · 180. The Turn of the Tide
Ninjago: Reimagined 1. Golden Legend · 2. Gold Rush · 3. A Day in the Life of a Golden Ninja · 4. Sweatin' to the Goldies · 5. Golden Hour
The Virtues of Spinjitzu 1. Curiosity · 2. Balance · 3. Wisdom · 4. Honesty · 5. Generosity · 6. Courage
Season 15: Crystalized 1. Farewell the Sea · 2. The Call of Home · 3. The Shape of Nya · 4. A Mayor Problem · 5. Public Enemies 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5! · 6. A Painful Promise · 7. Ninjago City vs. Ninja · 8. Kryptarium Prison Blues · 9. Hounddog McBrag · 10. The Benefit of Grief · 11. The Fifth Villain · 12. The Council of the Crystal King . 13. The Fall of the Monastery
Bloopers 1. 2014 blooper reel · 2. LEGO NINJAGO Movie Outtakes and Bloopers · 3. Season 13 blooper reel
Ninja Vlogs 1. Our FIRST ever Ninja Vlog! · 2. Arrivals, Discoveries and... chickens... · 3. A bird? A plane? …oh a dragon?! · 4. It's time… to… ROCK!